just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
