I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
