Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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