peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hippo gnu deer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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