No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
