I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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