My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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