Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
