i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
