Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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