So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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