so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
