everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
