You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
