foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
