I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
