Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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