The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
