She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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