Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
