i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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