I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
