Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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