Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
