yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
