I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
