I must be too annoying 4 u.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
