p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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