My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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