Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I touched a dick in church today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
