If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize