Having a random hookup so left but love u
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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