My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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