True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
