my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm at about main and main street
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
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