Sponge bath it is.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
