I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
