Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
