I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
