I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
