the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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