someone get that fucking seahorse.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
