take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
