He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
