i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
