Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
