It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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