I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
