some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
