i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
