TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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