Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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