Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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